This is the full eighteenth chapter of my book, and first on the subject of relationships, from my book Awesomeness: An Amateur Potpourri of a How-To-Guide.
See part 18: “Honesty (again)”, here.
An article in Business By Day makes the claim that the time an employer should fire someone is the first time you think about it.[1] OK, even that article admits that may be a bit too quick, but there’s certainly a point there.
My father told me that in the 31 years of being in business, he has never regretted letting someone go. Well, that’s not completely accurate; he’s usually had regrets after letting someone go — he almost always regrets not having let them go earlier.
My experience in business has, unfortunately, been the same. So has that of every other owner I have talked to.
Sometimes the person was terrible at their job, sometimes he or she just wasn’t a good fit. I’ve seen people we’ve let go make it somewhere else, even when their performance for us was miserable. But the mistake employers make is almost always the same; holding on too long.
Now, friendships and relationships are not like that of business colleagues, bosses and subordinates. Employees may be trying to perform well, but your friends and family are not performing for you.
That being said, those around us have a major influence on our own behavior and attitudes. Indeed, psychologists have coined the term “social proof” to describe, as Wikipedia does, the “…psychological phenomenon where people assume the actions of others in an attempt to reflect correct behavior for a given situation.”[2] In other words, you begin to become the company you keep.
I don’t mean to imply that you should discard friends and family left and right if these people have some undesirable flaw. Everyone has some undesirable flaws.
But what I do mean to say is that one should be very mindful of the company they keep. Don’t hold onto a friendship or relationship just because you are afraid to lose it or afraid you can’t find another. You can. The grass is not necessarily greener on the other side of the fence, but if the grass is dead where you are, it’s probably time to go looking elsewhere.
When to let go is hard to know and writing here from afar, I can give you no advice. I do know that many marriages are left to rot because couples don’t love each other (the verb form) and instead argue with each other endlessly. You should always look in the mirror first before making a decision to end a relationship or even a friendship.
But negative people and influences can pull you down and so these influences need to be managed appropriately. Sometimes that simply means letting go.
[1] Rick Day, “THE BEST TIME TO FIRE SOMEONE IS THE FIRST TIME YOU THINK ABOUT IT”, Business by Day, http://www.businessbyday.com/the-best-time-to-fire-someone-is-the-first-time-you-think-about-it/, March 31, 2014
[2] “Social Proof”, Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_proof, Accessed May 2, 2015
You can find the book here.
And the audiobook here.
And if you like the book, please subscribe to my YouTube channel as well